Banned from zoo.
Again?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize