Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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