Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
