saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
