He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize