I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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