why didn't you poke me back
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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