my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
