By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
