At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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