Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
