Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
