it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
