The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
