Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You're like the curious george of whores
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I came so hard my ears popped.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
