i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
