I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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