Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
