3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
