This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
