Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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