You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
