I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
