hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
