What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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