Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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