dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
