So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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