I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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