dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
