after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
