def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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