I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
50% drunk capacity currently
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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