Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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