i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
