No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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