Who wears a wallet chain?!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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