hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
