physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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