I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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