Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
