I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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