I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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