I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
time to smoke my breakfast
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
