dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
