Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
