I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
