Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
