i just google imaged poop.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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