I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
