It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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