I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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