i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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