It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
