I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
