Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
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Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
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I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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