You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize