I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
