everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
