Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
