1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
