Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
