Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
