walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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