Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i think i just lost a toe
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
