I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
