he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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