turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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