she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
