Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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