just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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