Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
