I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
