Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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