Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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